Puck You: Return To Highland
by PickleGarden
Summary: Roger helps Steve and Snot join a rollerblade hockey team. They go to Highland Texas to play. They use Beavis and Butthead to be the goalies.


Thursday has ended. The final school bell at Pearl Bailey High school had rung. Steve and Snot walked out of school feeling rejected and disgraced for the billionth time in their young lives. "We tried out for just about every sport..." begins Steve. "I know! We didn't make the cut for any of it!" said Snot. "We need to face it. We're nerds and geeks. Athletics just aren't in the cards for us." said Steve. " The only cards for us is Magic the Gathering Yu-Gi-Oh or Pokemon!" said Snot. "No matter how hard we try, nobody wants us on their sports teams." said Steve. "I'm afraid you're right. Sports is the only thing socially acceptable here in small town high school." said Snot. "The only sport I excelled at was Fantasy Baseball by putting a touch of Dungeons and Dragons. And before that, it was roller derby where I was mistaken for a girl." said Steve. "At least those were something." agrees Snot. "Neither didn't last for very long." Steve sighs. "You forgot when you were on a water polo team." said Snot, "That was all the doing of your pet goldfish, though."

Steve and Snot were sitting on the front steps of Pearl Bailey as a joust of high school kids walked past them. "That football coach reminded me of Gene Hackman in Hoosiers." said Snot. "We need to find a sport we can join so we can be popular, get invited to cool kid parties, and get it on with girls." said Steve. "Every girl here seems to like all the jocks. But never the geeks." said Snot. "Thought if we were jocks too, then girls would want to get with us." said Steve. "The whole reason why we stayed after school for two months in a row and tried out for every fucking sport." said Snot. "We even put off homework for this sports bull shit." said Steve. Wallowing in their self pity, Steve and Snot remain sitting on the front steps until they hear a voice in front of them.

"Did you both just say you wanted to join a sport?"

Steve and Snot both look up and it was Roger dressed as a hockey coach. Had a hockey stick in his hand. Instead of ice skates, Roger had on Rollerblades. "Who are you?" both asked.

Roger suggests, "Why not join a Rollerblade Hockey team?"

"There is ice hockey at this school, but not Rollerblade team." said Steve.

Roger says, "Well there is now!"

"Who are you?" asked Snot. "And how did you know we were rejected from every sports team here at Pearl Bailey?" asked Snot.

"I have my ways! Pleased to meet you both! I will make sure you join a Rollerblade Hockey team." said Roger.

"You still haven't told us who you are." said Steve.

Roger introduces himself, "Hello fine young men, I am Madison Gilmore! Rollerblade Hockey Coach!"

Steve and Snot didn't know what to think or believe this was true. An opportunity to join a sports team had finally came into their path of social acceptance.

"You're a man and your name is Madison?" asked Steve.

"Well, why not right? John Wayne's real name was Marion!" said Roger.

"You say you want us to join a Rollerblade Hockey Team, can you show us how to get there?" asked Snot.

Roger said, "Just follow me! We're going to the roller rink to do some training first."

Steve and Snot greatly took this deal they go with Roger in his car as they drove to the Langley Falls Roller Rink.

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Roger had driven Steve and Snot to the Langley Falls Roller Rink. In a short while. Steve and Snot were now dressed in hockey uniforms and Rollerblades. Roger comes out of the locker room to see them.

"Ahhh, perfect! So you're all ready to go play some hockey and make the team?" asked Roger.

"I've been ready since first call!" said Steve with confidence.

"I am ready!" said Snot as Roger handed them both hockey sticks.

"Ha ha ha ha ha! Loved that line from Pee Wee's Big Adventure! Now get to it to shit bags!" said Roger blowing his whistle.

Steve and Snot were anxious to slap some hockey pucks into some goals. But they see no hockey set up around the Roller Rink.

"Where are the goals?" asked Steve. "Yeah, and where's the hockey puck?" asked Snot. "You both want to be well trained for hockey? You both need to roll around this rink 100 times first!" said Roger who takes their hockey sticks away. "You have to earn these!" "Okay. Then after?" asked Steve. Roger said, "I'll get a hockey goal and puck! Now make those 100 laps happen! In fact, make like it so Apollo Anton Ono would be jealous!" Steve and Snot agree to Rollerblade around the roller rink 100 times. At the 100th lap, Steve and Snot were ready for a break. Sweating from their brows, Steve and Snot begged Roger to take a breather.

"We did the 100 laps like you wanted." panted Steve. "On TV and in movies make it look so easy!" said Snot. "You wouldn't happen to have some Gatorade would you?" asked Steve.

Roger used the whistle in their faces once more, "You think Russell Crowe from Mystery Alaska had it easy? You think Paul Newman from Slap Shot had it easy? And do you both believe that Kurt Russel from Miracle or The Mighty Ducks had it easy? WELL THINK AGAIN!"

"We want to rest for a while and then we will get to practicing!" said Steve with promise. "Can't we just have a little break?" asks Snot.

"NO! From here on in, it's going to be tough training! TOUGH! TRAINING! That what makes the hockey player!" shouted Roger.

"But..." "Oh, come on..." Steve and Snot could not get out the words.

Roger decides to use some threat tactics to get them to stay and train. "Hmmm, hearing you both wail and bleat like this, maybe you DON'T WANT TO join a Rollerblade Hockey Team!"

"We do!" "That's the whole reason we we're here!"

"Guess this means you don't want to slap hockey pucks into goals!" Roger said. "All right! All right! You're right! No breaks or rest for us! Right Snot!"

"Right Steve!"

Roger sets up the hockey goalies and puts the puck in the middle of the roller rink. Blowing his whistle and handing Steve and Snot back their hockey sticks, Roger yells, "Steve! You're up!"

Steve skates his way to the middle of the rink and slaps the puck into the goal. The puck bounces off and hits Steve in the cheek. "OOOOOHHH! OUCH!" "Snot! You're next!"

Snot skates his way to the middle of the rink and slaps the puck into the goal and the puck misses the goal. "SHIT! You call that hockey! That isn't hockey! That's more like Bitch-Hockey! Steve! Try again! And this time don't fuck this up!" screamed Roger.

Steve and Snot took turns shooting the pucks into the goalies. At first they missed that made Roger really upset. "INTO THE GOAL! OUT OF BOUNDS! KICK SAVE!"

Snot shoots a puck into the goal and succeeds, Roger was not impressed! "You play like an ass! Steve! You can do better than this!" yells Roger. Steve hits the puck into the goal perfectly, Roger still yells at them.

"YOU CALL THAT A GOAL! MORE LIKE AIMLESSNESS! I CALL THAT FUTILITY!" Roger screams then throws his hockey stick into the ground and breaks it then breaks the hockey goalies and goes berserk and mad.

In the hours that passed, Steve and Snot finally impress Roger by shooting the hockey pucks into the now broken goals. "Great job!" Roger complemented Steve and Snot. "Think your tough training has really paid off on us!" said Steve. "Tell me about it!" said Snot who adds, "The more of a son of a bitch you were to us, the better we got! Roger still wasn't done training them. " All you need to do now is run into these dummies."

"We are so there!" Steve and Snot skated into the dummies and even used their hockey sticks to get the dummies out of the way. The whistle blows and Roger was more than pleased. "You're both ready!"

"So what team are we joining!" asked Snot. "More importantly? When?"

Roger answers, "You're both going to join a Rollerblade Hockey Team in Highland Texas!"

"HIGHLAND TEXAS?" yelled both Steve and Snot.

"Why not Langley Falls?" asked Steve, "My mom won't let me leave town!"

"Neither will mine. But for some reason my sister can leave town anytime she wants!" Snot said.

"I already talked to your mothers and father about it and they all agree it's a good idea! Tomorrow, meet me at the Langley Falls International Airport at 3 am sharp!" said Roger. "There's already a flight leaving for Highland Texas at 6 am! BE THERE!"

Steve and Snot agree to meet Roger aka Madison Gilmore at the airport the following morning.

"If this is what it takes to be popular and meet girls." says Steve. "We'll take it!" said Snot.

Snot sees a bloody bruise from where Steve got hit with the hockey puck. "You ought to get that checked out."

"Nah, I consider it showing girls who tough I am! That I can take a blow to the face!" said Steve.

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In Highland Texas. The following Friday afternoon when Mr. VanDrissen's class got out, all the boys and some of the girls were planning on something really cool! A rollerblade hockey game in a vacant lot. Some of the boys wanted Beavis and Butthead to join in the game. Stewart even wanted to come. "Cool! huhuhuh, we'll do it!" huhuhuhuh, 'do it'!" said Butthead. "Yeah! Yeah! heheheheh! Hockey RULES! IT RULES! IT RULES!" shouted Beavis. All the girls who wanted to join all left in disgust. "Hey, guys! Glad you can make it. On tonight! Here's a pair of my dad's and my rollerblades,

hockey pucks, and elbow and knee pads." said Stewart.

"Ummm, heheheheh! Pads suck! I'll just put them on my nads!" said Beavis. "You can't do that, dumbass! It won't fit or something! huhuhuhuhuh!" said Butthead. "Oh, yeah! heheheheh 'pads'! heheheh." said Beavis as they left. Stewart was really happy that Beavis and Butthead can join them in the Rollerblade Hockey Game. It was nightfall all the boys from Mr. Van Drissen's class were on a vacant lot next to the Maxi Mart store. "I wonder what's taking Beavis and Butthead so long?" asked Stewart. "Who cares! What would you want with a bunch of morons who talk about their 'nads' or whatever?" said one of the boys. Beavis and Butthead were late, but they showed up. They kept tripping, and falling on their rollerblades.

"Hey, Butthead! I got to shine my helmet! heheheheh!" said Beavis. "Yeah! Me too! huhuhuhuh, maybe we can score with chicks if we play hockey! I hear hockey players score all the time! huhuhuhuh!" said Butthead. "Okay, let the game begin!" said Stewart as he handed Beavis and Butthead some hockey sticks. Some of the boys played real good. Beavis and Butthead did not really play that good. They kept falling, hitting each other with the hockey sticks, and a puck landed right on Beavis's nads! "AAAHHHH! MY NADS HURT! heheheheh!" shouted Beavis. "huhuhuh! Dumbass! Puck you, Beavis! huhuhuh! 'puck'!" said Butthead. All the boys were laughing at Beavis and Butthead because they weren't playing good at all!

Just when things seemed perfect, a car sped by the Maxi Mart, and into the vacant lot were everyone was playing rollerblade hockey, and out

of the car came Roger, Steve, and Snot! "This? This is the rollerblade hockey team?" asked Steve. "It's just a bunch of teenagers playing in a mini mart parking lot." said Snot. "If you want to join a team, you need to gain some experience!" said Roger. "Great." said Steve who was totally flaked out that he wasn't joining an actual roller blades hockey team. Beavis and Butthead weren't quite impressed! "Who the hell are those losers? hehehehehe!" said Beavis as he looked at Steve and Snot. "What the hell is this crap? huhuhuhuhuhuh?" asked Butthead.

Steve and Snot get ready to ask, "What're we supposed to do here?" Roger tells them both, "Those two over there in the Metallica and ACDC shirts are going to be the goalies!" Steve and Snot take a look at Beavis and Butthead. "Those two remind me of Gary and Joel from that short lived FX show Unsupervised." said Steve. "Heard about that, but I never saw it. Not allowed to. But my sister can watch whatever she wants!" said Snot.

Roger slaps Snot, "We don't want to hear about you getting less privledges than your sister! Shut up and play!" "Okay!" said Snot. Roger drags Beavis and Butthead into the goalies. Hey pussy pockets! We'll show you how a real man plays hockey!" said Roger were coming near the game. Roger grabbed a hockey stick away from Stewart, and grabbed two pucks away from another boy. Roger hit the pucks with the stick and both of the pucks landed on Beavis and Butthead's nads! "AAHHHH!" they both screamed. "Get out of here! All of you! We're in training here" said Roger. Steve and Snot see Stewart and feel bad for him. "Bet that kid hasn't got it too good." said Steve.

All the boys from Beavis and Butthead's class ran away dropping their hockey sticks. Expect Beavis and Butthead whom were laying on the ground holding their nads. "This hockey coach Rules! huhuhuh!" said Butthead. "yeah! Yeah! hehehehe I like him too! heheheh!" said Beavis. "I'm using you two as the goalie! These geeks will kick your ass! Steve, Snot, puck their balls good! " said Roger. Under Roger's orders, Steve and Snot were hitting Beavis and Butthead with pucks! "OUCH! MY NADS AGAIN! heheheh!" said Beavis. "Hey, Beavis! I thought you told me you shined your helmet..." before Butthead can finish, a puck landed on his nads too! "OUCH! huhuhuh!" When Roger was done, he has Steve and Snot beat on Beavis and

Butthead with hockey sticks. When that was done, Roger said, "Now that's how hockey is played!" "What about me and Snot being on a team?" asked Steve. "Yes you dragged us across state lines for this." Snot recalled.

"Oh, there never was no roller blade hockey team. I just wanted an excuse to come here to Highland." Roger said.

"WHAT?! You made us do all this for nothing?! Another sport bites the dust for us!" said Steve who was boiling mad. "After all the hell you put us through with this shit to get on a team and now we aren't going to even be on a sports team?" yelled Snot.

Steve and Snot start honing in on Roger. "Now come on guys! It was all in good fun, huh? You see last week, I brought Stan here for a CIA mission and I had such a blast beating up on those two airheaded teens over there..."

"You just wanted to beat up some innocent teenagers!" said Steve. "They've probably never did anything wrong in their lives!" said Snot.

Beavis and Butthead watched as Steve and Snot use their hockey skills they've learned from Roger to beat him senseless. Roger struggles to get up and runs away from Steve and Snot who chased him out of the parking lot. Leaving behind the bruised, cut, scraped Beavis and Butthead laying in the vacant lot. "Whoa! huhuhuhuh! That was the coolest hockey game I've ever played! huhuhuhuh!" said Butthead. "Yeah! Yeah! heheheheh! We should

play hockey more often! heheheh!" said Beavis. "Yeah! huhuhuh! Maybe

next time, they'll let us join in on the ass kicking huhuhuh, I said

'join in'!" said Butthead. "And maybe we'll be the ones who kick ass next time, heheheh!" said Beavis. An ambulance came and look Beavis

and Butthead while they were chortling to themselves. Steve and Snot caught up with Roger and beat him up some more, then Steve called Stan on his cellphone to take him and Snot back to Langley Falls where they eventually joined a real rollerblade hockey team. At the local YMCA.


End file.
